Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Independent Ahmad: feeling sad is not a sin

Tonight is a cold one, really cold. Frosty and blue at 10:45. I brought myself home as fast as possible after language class finished at 7:30. today my cell phone rung more than everyday. It was showing 15 missed calls since I haven’t like to answer a call today. As I stepped home, it rung once more and I decided to answer; Mrs. Khalaj, are you still looking for an office? I replied: thank you, but I’m not on a budget right now.
I hated being busy, being busy is seductive. It grabs you most of the fun. That’s why I always was being tried to be independent in my life. I sacrificed everything for being independent, my work, my school, my time, my future and even my life. I didn’t get anything major, but I can make up my mind to travel to north or south of the country at the moment.
I’m really feeling sad, something is killing me. Duality, I always was being wrestling with dualities in my life, duality in everything, beliefs, chores, choosing people, jobs, ways and etc but I always used to try missing nothing.
I’m a sad one, because I have tasted the flavor of a deep failure once more in my life. Several failures in things which are tied to your being, one after another, in years; you feel the paradise as a hell, maybe Tartarus.
Yesterday I was in Tehran. Showing up in a friendly meeting with my friends who mostly been website owners. The meeting was holden on to talk about problems and issues about Iranian websites and to take a unique approach to handle hard situations. After the meeting, I stayed behind with some of my colleague friends and had some chats. I resigned from all of my positions and affairs. I told them that I’ll be very busy in coming year and my life is changed as I applied for some abroad universities.
But there isn’t so much chance for a man like me who lives on a shoestring to do something major in short time but I have hopes.
It is crystal clear to me for what to do. But I’m doing nothing or at least the right thing and this is what annoying me.

This blog is not just belonged to class activities as it did. The language classes are almost finished and we are approaching to the end of the term. It was my second term studying English at Pishro Language Academy and also the best one. I feel massive improvements in my English but not still content with it at all. After this term I don’t like to stay in my home city Arak any more and loving to go abroad.
From now on, the posts titled with “Independent Ahmad” are about myself. I call my new personality and attitude “Independent Ahmad” which is the third Ahmad. The first Ahmad died after 18 years living and the second one died after 2 years at age 21. Now the third Ahmad is formed since three months ago and still improving.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Nice article you got here. It would be great to read something more concerning this topic. Thank you for giving that information.
Sexy Lady
Asian Escort